ANALYSIS: The Stages of Own Goal Grief
We've all been there... what? We haven't all been there? Well. I suppose that's just embarrassing.
In 1969, Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross published “On Death and Dying,” a formative work that introduced the world to the five stages of grief, or the Kübler-Ross Model. Soccer is not as important as that. But giving up an own goal really sucks, and giving up an own goal that eliminates your country from World Cup qualification really sucks, and accomplishing this own goal in a way that is so unbelievable it probably deserves to be immortalized in a FIFA Street video game is… you get the picture. That’s what we’re talking about when we talk about the Haiti-Canada match and the own goal that broke Haiti’s back in the competition.
I think it is important to note, however, that I do not believe this was match-fixing. Why? Because there would have been way easier ways for 21-year-old Josue Duverger to match fix this game. Like letting by any one of these, for example.
That is not match-fixing behavior. Duverger made several saves of the heroic variety against Canada. He really did not need to do, well, this in order to throw a match.
Second, I don’t think I could do what Duverger did here on purpose if I tried. And I don’t think he could, either. It was a bizarre series of moves that included no-look nutmegging himself, then accidentally brushing the ball with his plant foot on the attempted clearance, which rolled the ball inches beyond his foot trying to boot the ball anywhere he could. So. No match-fixing jokes will be made here. Let’s simply analyze the stages of own goal grief.
1. Shock
This differs a little bit from the Kübler-Ross Model, in which the first stage of grief is denial. It’s a little bit hard to deny what’s just happened when you can see the ball in the goal, the other team celebrating your misfortune, etc. Instead we have shock. A state of weightless disbelief at what has just occurred, like when your Aunt Kathy showed up to the family potluck with a potato salad she had put raisins in. Duverger exists almost perpetually in this state in my mind’s eye. The clutching of the head and the wide-eyed stare into the distance, seeking out the hidden truths of the universe. But there is nothing to be found there. Only the dark and hollow void.
2. Anger
Here we line back up the the standard five stages of grief. Anger is understandable. Anger is sensible. You have trained the vast majority of your life for this moment, and here your are, doing the exact opposite what you are supposed to be doing. This transcends levels of play, as well. You could be a 21-year-old in preliminary CONCACAF World Cup qualifiers. You could be a starting center back at the Euros for a four-time world champion team.
A professional knows how to move on from such moments, usre, but it’s the bark of frustration that really sells it for me. Anger at yourself. Anger at your situation. Anger at Joshua Kimmich, probably. I have no idea why, he just has a face that’s easy to be angry about.
3. Attempted Time Travel
You know that thing where you’re convinced that if you think hard enough about an event, you can change what happened?
That is, I imagine, exactly what Duverger is doing right here. Understandable.
4. Acceptance
Own goal grief delays the depression stage from the Kübler-Ross Model because there simply isn’t enough time in the game to engage in it. Something most professional athletes understand is the importance of being able to push past mistakes and mentally reset mid-game. Some do this with more success then others, but all attempt to move forward with some measure of acceptance. They have to. Teams that crumble mentally also crumble on the field.
5. Depression/Elation
Boom! It’s not always a bad thing, right? Because if your team still wins, then your own goal is really a small blip in the grand scheme of things, all told. Of course, if you do end up losing, like Haiti did…. yeah, you’ll trend towards the depression end of the spectrum. All told, it was a bad night for Duverger, made worse by the fact that he was made very famous for the worst possible reason. But, if there’s any consolation, it’s that his own goal still isn’t as funny as Jamie Pollock, who appeared to forget which end of the field he was on while playing for Manchester City in 1998.
Stream Schedule
We’ve got a watch party for Denmark vs. Belgium going on RIGHT NOW. Get in here.
North Macedonia: Having Fun
Listen, I don’t know how this is supposed to help a team. I just know that I like it.
Gattuso Watch
Gennaro Gattuso is a man that I am generally afraid of and regard, charitably, as a wild card. And he has not done much to dissuade that image of him as of late! The timeline: Gattuso becomes the manager of Fiorentina last month. 23 days later, Gattuso leaves Fiorentina thanks to a disagreement on transfer policy. NOW:
Gattuso to Tottenham is not the twist I was expecting this summer, and boy howdy do I have some news for him about transfer disagreements and Tottenham. On the other hand, I'm very much here for the chaos!
Midge Purce Making People Fall Down of the Day
This is the part of the newsletter where I post my favorite instance of Midge Purce making people fall down.
This has been your Midge Purce Making People Fall Down of the Day.