Maybe it's Not MLS; Maybe Goalkeeping Is Just Hard
The wonderful world of terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad goalkeeping.
The very nature of MLS, as we learned last season, is that it is always, inevitably, back. And MLS is back once again, my friends.
That video was filmed on an LG Chocolate with a 0.8 megapixel camera, but yes, that is indeed Bobby Shuttleworth, in his first actions of the 2021 preseason, missing a trap and letting the ball leisurely stroll into the net. And before we get to anything else: if you are one of the intrepid souls that sought out the Chicago Fire’s first match to be played in a preseason in which teams are still coping with a pandemic, recovering from a near-work stoppage, and that is filmed on said LG Chocolate from the year of our Lord 2006, one that came stocked with the five songs its memory could hold, including “Promiscuous” by Nelly Furtado and “London Bridge” by a suddenly Black Eyed Pea-less Fergie, I salute you. But also, seek out help.
This led to several jokes, many of them very good, many of them very silly in their earnestness with which they detest MLS and everything it represents. The criticism is fair in several respects, and I disagree with it in many others, but for a lot of people in the American Soccersphere, Bobby Shuttleworth is the avatar for all that is wrong with the pro game in the United States. Of course he made that mistake. He is a product of a dishonest closed pyramid that facilitates sub-par talent thriving, one that engenders medicority throughout the league, right? RIGHT?!
To that argument, I submit a simple counterpoint: goalkeeping is very difficult, guys. Even the easy things in goalkeeping is difficult. You’re dealing with a group of insane individuals (goalies in all sports are crazy; that is the accepted rule) putting themselves between the flight of a ball swerving and bending around in the air, attackers throwing elbows, and having them routinely throw their bodies down in places where people are simultaneously trying to kick things. That is difficult! Like, really hard! Not to mention kind of dangerous! And a lot of the time, that’s going to result in some funny gaffes happening.
Enter Rune Jarstein. Stick around for the replays on this one, they’re worth it.
Mr. Jarstein plays goalkeeper for Hertha Berlin, who are not a great team in Germany, but they are a team that is consistently in the Bundesliga, which means he can reasonably be considered, relatively speaking to every single person playing the game on the face of the planet, one of the best players in the world. That’s him, one of the best on the planet, doing his best Kevin-from-The-Office-with-chili impression as a shot almost directly at his chest moves a couple centimeters to his right, completely bamboozling him. It almost looks like he’s shrugging as he tries to save it, which feels appropriate. Jarstein himself blamed “a gust of wind,” which is hilarious.
But what was Hertha manager Pal Dardai’s response to such a poor showing from his goalkeeper? That Rune is “a super goalkeeper.” That’s pretty much it. Obviously, he made a mistake. But he also knows that sometimes this stuff happens. It’s goalkeeping. It’s hard.
So, let this be a lesson to you Debbie Downers and Bobby Boo-ers: maybe it’s not MLS. Maybe it’s just goalkeeping.
(But more like Bobby Butterworth AM I RIGHT)
Musah
A player England described as someone they were confident would choose their national program in the long run decided to play for the USA today, and I think that is pretty neat.
I’m not going to get too far into the weeds on Yunus Musah’s position, what he’s done and what he hasn’t done for Valencia this year, and the like. Mostly, I’m just going to feel good about a teenager getting La Liga minutes deciding to go with the U.S. over the country where he spent his entire youth career. And, to that point, there’s an excellent Jeff Carlisle article over at ESPN on exactly how Yunus Musah came to that decision. Highlights include Gregg Berhalter screaming into his phone.
Live Show TODAY
Check out the stream at 3:00 EST, 12:00 PST, as Jimmy talks about Yunus Musah, reviews some games on the weekend, hosts some chat trivia, and much more! On Jimmy’s page, you can also find videos of previous shows. So maybe check us out and throw us a follow on Twitch, while you’re at it.
May You Be As Good At Anything As Erik Lamela Is With His Left Foot
Yes, Arsenal won the North London Derby yesterday. But we work with an Arsenal fan, so we’re not going to praise them too much in this newsletter (good job, I guess). What Arsenal lost yesterday was infinitely more important: the rabona goals competition.
What is always great about Erik Lamela doing this is he’s one of the few top players on the planet that isn’t inherently trying to style on his opponents when he pulls this out of his bag of tricks. He’s doing it because he doesn’t have a right foot. He trusts his weak foot so little that he has mastered a very difficult, ridiculous soccer trick that lets him kick the ball with his left foot no matter where the ball is in relation to his body.
Wildly inefficient and undeniably stylish. There is a certain dearth of players disrespecting their opponents with moves that aren’t simply the easiest and most effective way to advance the ball or score a goal these days, and I’m happy to see proprietors of the outlandish still thriving.
Sun’s Out, Shots Out, Time to Stretch Out Those Tendons
The weather is starting to get pretty nice. The vaccine is now available for many, and already in the arms of quite a few people. It seems, for all the world, like it might be time to get that pick-up game rolling once again. Well, the venerated, the inimitable, The Nutmeg News has your perfect news hit to send you off into the week. May those hamstrings stay flexy.