Should Anyone *Really* Want Harry Kane?
Harry Kane wants out of Tottenham. But where would he go?
This absolute nightmare of an image brought to you by Monti Rossetti.
The time has come. Harry Kane wants out.
Or at least, he wants out in as gentlemanly a way as possible. As is Harry Kane’s way. The Tottenham legend leaving Tottenham feels far-fetched, simply because Harry Kane has always seemed older than he actually is. Yes, part of that is having the face and voice of a North London man pushing 40, croaking to his friends in a pub somewhere that he’d score at least one goal, easy, in a full Premier League season. But part of it is also the throwback player image Harry Kane has. For all the loans they sent him on, he’s always been a Tottenham player and only a Tottenham player, hearkening back to sepia images of one-club men. You could put Harry Kane in a picture of Higgly-Bottomsworth Factory Athletic Club circa 1897 and he wouldn’t look out of place.
All of that makes the mere idea of Harry Kane leaving his boyhood club and engaging in the dread practice of Modern Football all the more strange. What is Harry Kane at Manchester City? An art piece? Simply a guy? Because he’s certainly not the robust, bronzed image of Harry Kane, Tottenham legend. I’m not saying the guy doesn’t deserve to go chase a couple trophies at this stage of his career, because he’s not going to get them at Spurs. The entire image of Harry Kane in a shirt other than Tottenham’s feels very wrong, however. Like when they changed Aunt Vivs.
On the other hand, let’s give a hot take while we’re here: should anyone really want Harry Kane?
On the face, it’s a ridiculous question, I know. He’s won two Golden Boots and is tied for the lead for a third one this year. He’s an England captain and leads the crop of players that have brought England back to the forefront of the men’s international game. Of course plenty of top teams want Harry Kane, would make great use of Harry Kane.
As I look at the question more and more, though, it looks increasingly bleak for the part of Harry Kane that seems to desperately want out of Spurs.
Kane is 27, soon to be 28, which means he’s in his prime but will soon be leaving it, according to our standard observation of players and the way they age. There are exception to the rule, of course, but Kane also has plenty of injury tweaks and twinges fairly regularly. He escaped the 2020/21 season with only a couple minor lay-offs, but from 2016 to 2020 he didn’t have a season where he didn’t have at least more than a month of missed time due to injury, and frequently that number stretched even longer. So Harry Kane isn’t really a part of any sort of rebuild to a club. He’s firmly a “win now” player, because chances that his value as an asset depreciate swiftly at some point seem fairly good.
And that’s the other thing: Harry Kane’s value. Clearly, if we’re going by Kane’s own quotes, he (and perhaps Dan Levy, as well) sees himself as a 100 million pound player. That’s probably true. But who really wants to spend 100 million on Harry Kane when Erling Haaland is right there? When, if you wanted to break the bank, you can throw every cent you have at Kylian Mbappe? Harry Kane isn’t an old man, but he does seem like an old man a lot of the time, and it doesn’t help when forwards five or seven years his junior are lighting up some of the best teams in the world.
Do Real Madrid or FC Barcelona or even PSG want Harry Kane? Maybe, and I think in several ways a reunion with Mauricio Pochettino makes the most sense for Kane as a player, on paper. A better question to ask with those clubs, though, is “does Harry Kane want to leave England?” The stereotype of English players not leaving the Premier League has withered a bit as of late, but I would not be surprised in the slightest if the only teams Harry Kane wanted to play for were in England.
So that leaves us with the big, usual suspects at the top of the table: Manchester City, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United. Most of Liverpool’s coffers will probably go towards making sure what happened to their defense this season never ever happens again and the impending need to find successors to Mane and Salah. United just re-signed Edinson Cavani and their entire attack already consists of several forwards who they play on the wing. Chelsea and City are more intriguing, as City could certainly use someone like Kane on their roster, and Chelsea look set to offload Olivier Giroud and continue ignoring Tammy Abraham for all their worth, leaving only Timo Werner and Kai Havertz as the club’s options at the top of their attack. But again, I expect Manchester City to swing for the fences and try to grab one of the more expensive, younger commodities previously mentioned, and I don’t know if Chelsea will want to go out and make a 100 million pound signing a year after they broke the bank to possibly win the Champions League or possibly not even be in the Champions League next season.
A reduced price would make Kane more moveable, but Dan Levy talked to all of these clubs during the Super League thing that already feels like it happened eighty years ago. He knows how much money they all have. I don’t see them backing down from a high price tag for Kane.
So, where does that leave Harry Kane? Maybe a deeper-pocketed club not as traditionally regarded as a powerhouse can pony up, like Leicester or even Everton? Or, we come to the most likely outcome, in my eyes: that Kane doesn’t actually move anywhere at all. That some clubs might come calling as panic sets in late in the transfer season, but terms won’t be agreed upon. For as much as everyone wants Harry Kane, I don’t really think anyone wants Harry Kane enough to actually go buy him.
Unless Arsenal wants to really create the greatest storyline imaginable this summer.
Do You Have Time to Watch Three Nutmegs?
Of course you do. It’s three nutmegs.
We hereby motion that a rule be instated. If your player gets three nutmegs in a row, the game is over. You win.
USMNT Roster Bonanza
New things to complain about just dropped.
I know people will get uppity about this, but there’s not really much to be offended about here. The men will be without Aaron Long, and also possibly Chris Richards, for the foreseeable future, and so people like Miazga and Ream will be brought in (although I hope McKenzie gets a legitimate look at center back against Switzerland). Justin Che hops in to cool the dual national panic. And with Tyler Adams injured for who knows how long, we’ll continue to get doses of Kellyn Acosta and Jackson Yueill, although Julian Green is included here as well just to spice things up and provide a little competition. Green has turned himself into a very useful midfielder in the 2. Bundesliga over the past couple seasons, and Furth are in the driver’s seat for the spot in the promotion/relegation playoff. It remains to be seen if that means he is good enough to be a consistent option internationally for the USMNT, though. Christian Pulisic and Zack Steffen miss out due to the Champions League final. All seems pretty standard to me.
Big WoSo Moves
Mark Parsons, head coach of the Portland Thorns where he’s won an NWSL Championship, a Shield, and a Challenge Cup, will be leaving the States to take over the Netherlands national team.
And moving in the opposite direction, former Aston Villa sporting director and England international Eni Aluko will be joining Angel City as their first sporting director.
There’s been a ton of movement in general in the women’s game as of late, so take your time to tip your local WoSo journalist today.
Got All That? Cool. Now Take a Break from Reading.
Not that I want you to pivot to video, per se. Just that these things from Bleacher Report are always good. Have a great weekend.
I refuse to believe that Harry Kane is only 27. Dude looks 35 easy.