You're Missing Europe's Most Exciting Finish
Bayern Munich Shmayern Munich. Half the Bundesliga still has something to play for with two games remaining, and YOU'RE MISSING IT.
I know you’re all laughing about Bayern winning the title again, and how Dortmund winning against Leipzig actually sealed it for them, and ha ha how could anyone watch the Bundesliga, Bayern always wins, blah blah blah, as if you haven’t watched Manchester City win three of the last four Premier Leagues, whatever. The Bundesliga is coming to one of the most chaotic league finishes I’ve ever seen, and if you’re stuck on “Bayern always wins,” well then you’re missing out, pal.
Let’s start at the top, shall we? Bayern has won and Leipzig will come in second. That’s for sure. From there, things get very, very murky. Wolfsburg, Dortmund, and Eintracht Frankfurt occupy the next three spots, and they’re all separated by three points. Eintracht are in fifth but have the easiest schedule, as they play Schalke, who are incredibly bad, bless them. Wolfsburg are sitting pretty in third, but have RB Leipzig and a tough Mainz team still to go, and Dortmund, in that all-important final Champions League position of fourth, also play Mainz before taking on sixth-place Bayer Leverkusen. Any combination of these three clubs could feasibly be playing in the Champions League next year, and I honestly do not know how that will shake out.
That Champions League race is made more complicated by the DFB-Pokal final between Dortmund and Leipzig that takes place this Thursday. Dortmund really, really want that trophy, and it might come at the detriment of their Champions League campaign. ALSO, Leipzig play Wolfsburg on Sunday, possibly giving them a bit of an advantage on rest.
That’s the top of the table. Three teams still with everything to play for, plus another still alive in the Cup, bringing our number of teams who still care about this season to four. Ok, now take a breath. Because that wasn’t even the most chaotic part.
Schalke’s been relegated for like three years now, but after them? Five teams. Five teams within four points of each other, three of them tied on points at the actual relegation playoff threshold. FIVE TEAMS COULD FEASIBLY STILL BE IN RELEGATION DANGER ON THE LAST MATCHDAY. And it won’t be indirect, either. Augsburg still plays Werder. Koln still has to play Hertha. This is going to be mass-scale direct confrontation. And, to throw a further wrinkle into it, you have the Bundesliga relegation system. The bottom two teams are automatically relegated, while the 16th-placed club goes into a two-legged promotion/relegation playoff with the club in third in the 2. Bundesliga. So 16th isn’t an automatic relegation sentence; plenty of Bundesliga clubs manage to squeak out a finish in that spot and win the playoff (we call it a Werder Special in the biz), but still. You don’t really want to be there.
So, if we compile all that together, you’ve got five clubs still fighting at the bottom of the table, you’ve got three clubs all very much in contention for two Champions League spots at the top, sprinkle a little Red Bull on top for the Cup, and in Germany you still have nine Bundesliga clubs playing with massive stakes over the course of the next two weeks. That’s literally 50% of the league. 50% OF THE LEAGUE WILL BE FIGHTING TOOTH AND NAIL. It’s madness.
So, this is your wake-up call to stop sleeping on the Bundesliga just because Bayern’s already won it. Big things are coming almost everywhere in the very near future, and it deserves your attention, because it’s going to be crazy.
Also, you might see Jadon Sancho do this.
Stream Schedule This Week
Strap in boys and girls, because there’s going to be an uncomfortably large amount of content coming from Jimmy and the Gang on Twitch this week. Here’s the run-down:
TODAY, May 10th: Weekend review and Mid-week preview show, 3:00 EST/12:00 PST
TUESDAY, May 11th: Watch Party for Manchester United vs. Leicester City at 12:30 EST/9:30 PST
WEDNESDAY, May 12th: Watch Party for Chelsea vs. Arsenal at 2:30 EST/11:30 PST
THURSDAY, May 13th: Newsletter, Preview show for the weekend, and then a Watch Party for the DFB Pokal final between Dortmund and RB Leipzig, all set to start at 2:00 EST/11:00 PST
FRIDAY, May 14th: A day of rest for the stream
SATURDAY, May 15th: FA Cup Final Watch Party at 11:30 EST/8:30 PST
That’s a lot of content. So drop us a follow and come bug us in the chat!
Columbus Seems Ready to Do Something Dumb
MLS Twitter was abuzz over the weekend with news that Columbus Crew SC was set to rebrand itself (again), and change its name to just “Columbus SC,” while still maintaining “The Crew” as a nickname for the club and it’s supporters that just… would only be used on some merchandise? I guess? They also were playing around with a new crest design, which looks both like the flag of the state of Ohio and something written in the margins of a notebook in math class by that guy Corey, the one who was still really into BMX biking and The Boondock Saints even though it was like 2015 at that point.
Then, yesterday, the Crew’s social accounts put out this video, which… kind of seems like they’re trying to assure everyone that the name isn’t changing while also never at all saying that the name’s not changing.
Nothing in there really seems to refute the idea that they are actually changing the name and the crest and still keeping “The Crew” as some sort of alternate nickname. It feels like very typical social doublespeak and spin, all in all.
Basically everyone on the Internet seems to really hate this idea, so it will probably get messy come Tuesday. Stay tuned!
Chike Nwoye’s back to tell us all the players we should be paying attention to at the present moment. He gets to write about a Manchester United player this week, so please read it, he was so excited.
STOCK UP
Dušan Vlahović (Fiorentina)
Every Fiorentina season is like The Hangover 3: nobody wants to watch it because of how horrible it is, but there is just that one scene that can at least make you smile. That one scene, for Fiorentina fans, is Serbian striker, Dušan Vlahović. Despite Fiorentina being 13th on the table with a -10 GD, Vlahović has 21 league goals this season with 12 of those coming in his last 9 games. Only Cristiano Ronaldo has outscored him in the league this season. With 3 games left, maybe the 21-year old can put a smile on Monti’s face by winning the Capocannoniere.
Mason Greenwood & Phil Foden (Man Utd & Man City)
When this pair of Manchester lads got sent home from the England team for breaking COVID rules back in September, let’s just say it wasn’t a good look. Foden didn’t take long to regain his form and the trust of his manager but for Greenwood, it was a bit different. His goals dried up and he was not recalled to the England set up. Fast forward eight months and these two players are finishing the season with a bang. Phil Foden has helped his team to the finals of the Champions League while Greenwood has helped his team to the finals of the Europa League. City and United are 1st & 2nd on the league table and these players are significant reasons for that.
STOCK DOWN
Mikel Arteta & Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (Arsenal)
Arsenal just had one of their worst seasons in about 3 decades. It’ll be five years of no Champions League football and, at least, one season without the Europa. The repercussions of this failure are going to be severe; less TV money coming in and most likely less money to spend on transfers given Kroenke’s history. Things are going to get very bad before they get very good. If two people deserve to be held accountable for this poor season it’s their inexperienced Head Coach and overpaid captain.
Wojciech Szczęsny (Juventus)
The Polish goalie makes history by becoming the first person to appear on out Stock Down list more than once. Juventus needs to stop messing around and shut this guy down. I assume a replacement will be brought in this summer and he’ll either be sold (unlikely) or be the #2 (likely). He’s so bad. So bad.
Very Important News for MLS Fans of a Certain Age
Blas Perez’s son just made his professional debut.
Blas Perez’s son is also named Blas Perez.
Save of the Day
Let’s give some love to the goalkeepers out there, shall we? Gotham FC keeper DiDi Haracic wasn’t about to be caught slipping in the NWSL Challenge Cup final.
Gotham did eventually fall to Portland in penalties, but they’ve already cemented their place as a neutral’s favorite for this NWSL season.
If I had a son, I probably would name him "Blas Perez," too.